Deadly underestimating
the day I went to hell
heart of stone sensations grating
I know those feelings well
(And) it won't hurt, this hostage taking
my beating's dulled with swell
(And) tending wounds of my own making
I find the words to tell
I find a place to dwell
Harlequin, you didn't need the (And)s since you could have implied or used punctuation without any loss or confusion at all. I like your courage and I think it worked. I feel terribly inadequate to rhyme and always bow to honor those who make it work. My rhyme schemes don't work for me at all.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of tending wounds of our own making. I think that we can send ourselves to hell all too easily.
ReplyDeletechristopher-- thanks for the thoughtful and helpful comments; i am going to keep those in mind the next time i rustle up the courage for another try :)
ReplyDeletebelieve me, your poetry is not harmed by not having rhyme scheme... your work consistently honors the sweet and messy lives we live.
madame-- thanks for the comment. it is sometimes too easy to do the self condemnation. glad you enjoyed.
Physician heal thyself before it's too late. But alas, so many wounds of which we know not. Is hell mankind's only fate?
ReplyDelete