Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Monday, May 30, 2011

Either way...

thought about
moments of tenderness

thought about
moments of everydayness

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Spring is here, the grass is riz, I wonder where the thoughtfulness is
It used to show its open arms and nurture difference, free from harm
And now I hear a warning hiss
Foretelling creeping Animal Farm

Not strange the changes stalemate makes
I’m stumbling over ladders and snakes
Especially with so much at stake
But what the hell, folks, them’s the breaks

I wonder if I need the night
To train discernment without light
Or if I need a light at all
To feel my way along this wall

Perhaps it’s light that plays me false
I need to lean into the fall
And when I reach and seek a pulse
I hope to recognize its call
Before its decency has faded
Before I get too mean and jaded

Spring is here and summer’s soon
Civility is free, a boon
And thoughtfulness, a twilight sigh,
Awaits, just nigh
Where also lurks a snarling, feral
And I ignore these at my peril

Sunday, May 15, 2011

... one week ago...

you leaned across the table
in that way that beckons
my own leaning in
i meet your soft gaze
in a moment
so vast
it goes unnoticed by those around us
so fast 
as to be completely still
you say to me
happy mother's day
moments like these 
mean everything to me

Friday, May 6, 2011

the tunnel and the light... I think ( for now...)

These past couple of weeks following my father's death have been reflective and exhausting. Reflective because I feel compelled to dwell with thoughts and feelings and not rush anything. It feels like it is  important to be present for what is.
Exhausting because the day after I arrived back in my home province, I had to get my body ready for two abso(f*#@ing)lutely deeeeelightful medical procedures that would happen the next day. I know I am not alone in this prep for medical procedures, but shitting for an entire day is NOT a fun way to spend a day. Not to mention that there was no way to get any of the backlog of work done .... perhaps I could have moved a lap-desk into the bathroom. Um, no. Then two reasonably uncomfortable days following the procedures where the fermenting pile of backlogged material keeps getting higher and higher ( that's a pile of paper... the work backlog... not another kind of backlog). Finally got the pile down to manageable proportions and then got through the next phase of a new fermenting pile of material....  don't get me wrong, I love my job; working in the education field is a privilege... however,  there are certain times of the year when the work feels endless and thankless.
OK, got through that endless thankless phase.... now, today, partner and I fly to Washington, DC for a conference ( oh, yeah.... that was the other thing, getting the writing ready for this conference... but it's all good). As a Canadian, living quite near the U.S. border I have been somewhat baffled by the various stages of alertness that my neighbour to south has been experiencing lo these past few years. As a Newfoundlander, I wonder who is benefiting from such a thoughtfully crafted scam. Today, as a traveller in a U.S. airport, I am realizing I would rather be going to any city .... except Washington, DC.
And, I hate, hate, hate flying. I was still a practicing alcoholic when I first began air travel, and was blissfully unaware of, well, pretty much everything, really, but especially the sounds, turbulence, shifts in speed, take offs and landings... ok,  all of it. My first flight sober was horrific. I was nervous as a cat, ready to jump out of my skin at every nuance ....  as they say about living  sober: son of a bitch, everything's real.
Anyway, back to today's flying adventure. It was a " hop" (hah, I love the casual treatment of that word; a hop, you say) from Buffalo to Washington DC,  so the plane was small. Small. I am no great height (barely 5'4") and I banged my head into the ceiling numerous times as I fidgeted and organized myself into a semblance of obedient seatedness. And again on my way to the bathroom. And on this, the bathroom... here 's a body cue to help you turn around: raise your arms over your head and shimmy around in a small circle before you sit; also,  do a good shoulder warm- up before you head back there so that you don't have to be contortionist in order to finish up the paper work when you're done with the.... other business. I return to my seat and Partner consoles me; be grateful that you don't have to stand up and aim, he says.
I am grateful; I now have a visual to take my mind off the wind gusts that rocked the plane on the approach to Reagan International. Obviously, we landed and I once again evaded the jaws of death. Fear is what it is; there's nothing rational about it. And for that, I am also grateful.

One more thing, while I am practicing my gratitude.... I am grateful for the opportunities blogging gives me to write, to read others' writing, to enjoy funny, thoughtful, irreverent, poignant and tender writing and comments from people who feel moved to express and encourage. I find this community of writers to be patient and supportive, and am impressed in ongoing ways with the acts of bravery, kindness,  creativity and humanity that I have the privilege to encounter. I know that writing and reading have inevitable ebb and flow and that life's unfolding does not happen on a schedule. That said, when the ocean finds its way back to calm, it's nice to have a harbour waiting for the boat.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


being in a life partnership is more than being
it's about being 
it's about being 
you asked if i was ready for another decade or so
bring it on!