Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

My New Normal


Sleep is a good thing
No bullshit tolerance, whatsoever
An even greater appreciation for the absurd

nauseous

Either remembering that I forgot something OR forgetting that I remembered something

nauseous

Realizing that over-commitment will very soon, of necessity, become a thing of the past

nauseous

".... that weird lack of sensation feeling in your fingers and toes? yeah, that might be your new normal..."

" .... those strange short term memory lapses, when you know that you know how to do something, but you still don't know how to do it NOW? yeah, that might be your new normal...."

nauseous

Caution going upstairs
Caution going downstairs

nauseous

Writing everything down.... everything!
The phrase " my oncology team"
Regular 3 month check-ins with .... my oncology team

nauseous

The phrase " my oncologist says...."

nauseous

Thinner
Wondering if I am strong enough to lift that
Cancelling meetings
Sending regrets


nauseous

Wanting (desperately!!) to do things that give me joy (like blogging) and feeling duty bound to do the obligations to which I have (stupidly) (over)-committed and which I am beginning to hate more and more

nauseous

Knowing that I am finished with doing things that I hate. FINISHED. WITH. IT.
Pissed off that it took cancer/radiation/chemotherapy and their aftermath/s to give me an "aha" moment about stopping spending time on things that I hate.

nauseous

Living with/in the aftermath/s
Diving deep....
..... and surfacing.