Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

My New Normal

Sleep is a good thing
No bullshit tolerance, whatsoever
An even greater appreciation for the absurd


Either remembering that I forgot something OR forgetting that I remembered something


Realizing that over-commitment will very soon, of necessity, become a thing of the past


".... that weird lack of sensation feeling in your fingers and toes? yeah, that might be your new normal..."

" .... those strange short term memory lapses, when you know that you know how to do something, but you still don't know how to do it NOW? yeah, that might be your new normal...."


Caution going upstairs
Caution going downstairs


Writing everything down.... everything!
The phrase " my oncology team"
Regular 3 month check-ins with .... my oncology team


The phrase " my oncologist says...."


Wondering if I am strong enough to lift that
Cancelling meetings
Sending regrets


Wanting (desperately!!) to do things that give me joy (like blogging) and feeling duty bound to do the obligations to which I have (stupidly) (over)-committed and which I am beginning to hate more and more


Knowing that I am finished with doing things that I hate. FINISHED. WITH. IT.
Pissed off that it took cancer/radiation/chemotherapy and their aftermath/s to give me an "aha" moment about stopping spending time on things that I hate.


Living with/in the aftermath/s
Diving deep....
..... and surfacing.


  1. Here I am again, finding energy and time and (finally) beginning to see the end of the long list of things I hate. Whew!!
    Looking forward to spending more time doing things that give me joy....
    .... feeling better, working too much too soon, learning my lessons on that one,
    happy to be blogging tonight and excited to go and read what's been happening on all the blogs I love to visit.

  2. As always, glad to have you back Harlequin. Here's a link to a blog by a friend of mine who has been battling Parkinson's. He's a musician who, much like you, is rediscovering life anew. I think you might enjoy it. http://andywardking.com/

  3. Mr. C. wow, thanks for this great link. lovely. and thanks for the visit and the kind comment. cheers!

  4. Takes time to learn that life is a set of seconds, each worth a penny, and no one has the ability to force us to spend those pennies as we will. Learning to say NO is a good thing.

  5. Good to read your words, Harlequin. As for the "aha" -- at least you got it. Sadly, many don't.

    Healing thoughts & best wishes to you!!!!

  6. WM- thanks for the visit and the wise words. .... and it is a good thing. Amen.
    Intelliwench... Long time coming, this aha. thanks for the good wishes. :)

  7. Great to have you back in the ever decreasing fold.
    Wonderful insights recorded here, many of which strike universal chords - keep em coming :)

  8. Garth-thanks for the visit. Also, delighted to read your blog as well. Great stuff over there.
    now that I am getting through the fog, I plan on keeping it coming. I feel frustrated in fallow times, but sometimes they yield intriguing insight. At least this one has. :)