tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61110373993236735432024-03-12T23:16:00.110-04:00HarlequinHarlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.comBlogger321125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-74314303017238162732021-12-31T18:04:00.008-05:002021-12-31T20:44:32.864-05:00My mother is a time traveler<p style="text-align: center;"> My mother is a time traveler</p><p style="text-align: center;">a trans-dimensional being</p><p style="text-align: center;">she exists in space-time in permeable fashion</p><p style="text-align: center;">here, with us, now</p><p style="text-align: center;">and simultaneously with friends long dead</p><p style="text-align: center;">eerily, radiantly aware of her impermanence </p><p style="text-align: center;">and confusion</p><p style="text-align: center;">frightened, sad, saucy, funny, and always, always </p><p style="text-align: center;">deeply connected to the mundane</p><p style="text-align: center;">the small things</p><p style="text-align: center;">not so small at all.</p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;">My sister is a lighthouse</p><p style="text-align: center;">Solid as the rock that anchors her </p><p style="text-align: center;">to the land and sea</p><p style="text-align: center;">She withstands pounding and crashing</p><p style="text-align: center;">with grace </p><p style="text-align: center;">with grit</p><p style="text-align: center;">Resolute and watchful</p><p style="text-align: center;">Exhausted more by the uncertain calm </p><p style="text-align: center;">attentive to the sounds of winds, waves, and birds</p><p style="text-align: center;">the small things of life</p><p style="text-align: center;">not so small at all. </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;">My mother is a time traveler</p><p style="text-align: center;">today, she takes her longest and most mysterious journey</p><p style="text-align: center;">away from us, in some ways</p><p style="text-align: center;">radiantly aware of her own impermanence</p><p style="text-align: center;">she exists in space-time in permeable fashion</p><p style="text-align: center;">here, with us, now</p><p style="text-align: center;">and simultaneously with friends long dead</p><p style="text-align: center;">The stars are alive with joy at her delight </p><p style="text-align: center;">in the small things of life</p><p style="text-align: center;">not so small at all. <br /></p>Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-7505085977446694992020-02-02T00:04:00.000-05:002020-02-02T00:04:12.609-05:00This Skin <div style="text-align: center;">
This skin I'm in</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sober</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
thirty years today</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
tissue</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
paper thin and fey</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
leather</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
flexible as clay</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wrinkled</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
gravity has its say</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
old</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
teaching me my name</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
young</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dancing like a flame</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stupid</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
holding on to shame</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
endless</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the player and the game</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
tougher </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
than pain or loss or hell</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
softer</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a whisper and a bell</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
parchment</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the stories it can tell</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this skin I'm in </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
moonstruck</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm living where I dwell</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm loving HOW I dwell</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in this skin</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm in</div>
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-7647066843734774032019-05-13T22:17:00.002-04:002019-05-15T02:58:22.273-04:00VERTIGO<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
VERTIGO</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The howling began with sounds and syllables, at first</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
only a buzz</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
responding at an elemental level to a terrifying felt sense</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
then, the words and phrases, wailing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
axes off kilter</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
scrabbling and frantic tumbling </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
swirling sickening confusion</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
tilt a whirling </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wild </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a perfect storm</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a tear in the fabric</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a poet is dead</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
his sweet wordplay lingers and murmurs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stays with me (us) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I (we) breathe gratitude</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I (we) breathe relief for his reprieve</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I (we) grieve</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this magnificent loss</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
no one else is </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Carl Leggo</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wondering about his grand-daughter's three syllable name.... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Madeline</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the howling began with sounds and syllables</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wondering, I am wondering</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(my) vertigo at a fever pitch </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sliding off the table of the world </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
still here, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
rocked by the randomness of who dies</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in the arms of this wild devouring bramble beast</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and who lives</div>
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-33245316781087324102019-02-24T22:22:00.006-05:002019-02-27T01:23:51.689-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">
REMISSION </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The dragon is sleeping<br />
somehow<br />
someday </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
she will awaken. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then, we will journey together</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
again. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
REMISS I on... a cloud</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of joy</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and hope</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
there are words </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to write the carnal bedrock </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of living with....</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
NO</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of <i>dwelling</i> with</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this dragon </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
RE-MISSION</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as I steal and lean on another's </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
lovely words</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
proud to be a thief </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
who knows she needs </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
help.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Finally.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
First, you make the beast beautiful. </div>
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-41083577207669223552017-06-07T17:42:00.003-04:002019-03-02T22:06:36.725-05:00There is a we here<br />
There is a we here<br />
that is not....<br />
a 'we' that is<br />
<br />
its embrace recognizes and welcomes<br />
itself;<br />
<br />
the insiders form a circle, and mouthpieces<br />
proclaim platitudes of generic appreciation.<br />
<br />
The circle is not for me--<br />
neither do I crave it.<br />
This is my sin.<br />
<br />
There is a we here that is not....<br />
a 'we' that is<br />
Or maybe, there is a we here<br />
that is<br />
(an) US.<br />
<br />
Thus I become<br />
(a) them.<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-19888401492026931432017-05-13T23:18:00.001-04:002017-05-13T23:18:50.041-04:00Triage makes you tired.....<br />
Triage makes you tired if it's all you ever do<br />
Pissed off, shaky, wired with no time for feeling blue<br />
Caught up in the clamour, chasing down the clue<br />
Triage makes you tired if it's all you ever do<br />
<br />
Triage is seductive when it takes you by the hand<br />
Surrounds you with its glamour, never boring, never bland<br />
Relentlessly rewarding, something precious, something grand<br />
Triage is seductive when it takes you by the hand<br />
<br />
Triage is a minefield where no flowers ever grew<br />
Discard a thousand cries for help and focus on a few<br />
And claim that it's priorities that always make it through<br />
Triage is a minefield where no flowers ever grew<br />
<br />
Triage is a danger masquerading as demand<br />
Silence is a stranger in this noisy, cluttered land<br />
And reflection is your enemy until you take a stand<br />
Triage is a danger masquerading as demand<br />
<br />
Triage is a habit that can hold you by the throat<br />
When you make a move to grab it, it will taunt you, it will gloat<br />
And the context of its character is fortress with a moat<br />
And the emptiest of vessels are the only things that float<br />
And it takes a lot of push to move a heavy, hungry boat<br />
Triage is a habit that can hold you by the throat<br />
<br />
Triage makes you tired if it's all you ever do<br />
You forget to be inspired by its colours or its hue<br />
And you see the complex moving parts, but miss the larger view<br />
And its face becomes a death mask from the poison in the brew<br />
And you recognize the toxin in the words you thought you knew<br />
And you realize this skill of yours is more than guts and glue<br />
That it's not triage that's deadly, it's the hammer and the screw <br />
In that netherworld of double talk, bureaucracy and poo<br />
Triage makes you tired if it's all you ever do<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-19191397801880041372017-03-13T00:17:00.001-04:002017-03-20T14:25:44.621-04:00O (p) press I on <br />
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
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Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
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mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
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line-height:107%;
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font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
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<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are sitting at a desk-maybe your desk</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or a table-maybe your table.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Place your hands flat on top</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Push hard on the surface</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Count to ten</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it again</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Push hard with one hand and do another relatively easy or
mundane task with the other hand</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Count to ten </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it again</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you alone?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Place one hand and then the other on the surface,
alternating</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As if you are walking on your hands</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As if your hands are walking</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Make no noise</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it ten times</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it again</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you alone?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do the hand walking with more force, more noise, BUT DON’T
RUSH </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t compromise
force for speed </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Keep the pressure on…..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you alone? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find a wall. Do it there. Two hands. Then one at a time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find another person</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do this side by side</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two hands </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then one at a time. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now…. About this other person…..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sit or stand face to face</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Place hands against each other’s hands, palm to palm</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Push into each other</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two hands, same time</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Count to ten</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Walking hands, alternating, against each other’s palms</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Make no noise</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it ten times</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Practice pushing and yielding against each other</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only the hands</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Make no noise</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do it ten times</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find another set of partners</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now you are four</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find a space in the centre of a room</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or go outside, find any open space</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Imagine a giant box with a lid on a hinge….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It hangs open </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is your task to push it closed</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Approach it as a group</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plan your timing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gather round….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Open your hands </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Push together</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Push as if you were actually doing this work</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get under it, push, push</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Push it up, now over</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now push it shut</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One last push to be sure</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find a place / time to reflect on this</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On pushing, pressing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alone, with another, with a group</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Was it exhausting? Exhilarating? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it something that becomes habit the more you do it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Invisible in its familiarity?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is something that makes its presence felt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thrumming beneath the surface</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or off to the side?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Does the rhythm get into your blood?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can you walk away because it left no impression? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(how)(what) Do you forget?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(how)(what) Do you remember? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s the question. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-38416732689506282012017-02-02T23:23:00.001-05:002017-02-02T23:23:07.635-05:00No Mud, No Lotus<br />
one month<br />
and one week <br />
and more<br />
and two more days<br />
did I say days??<br />
I meant DAZE<br />
Dazed, is more like it.<br />
AMAZEd at how busyshit tasks crowd<br />
my landscape<br />
fill my time<br />
jangle and clang<br />
<br />
How necessary they seem until I hold them in my<br />
GAZE<br />
that's right. Full bore full burn gaze.<br />
Breathe<br />
Breathe<br />
I phase in and out<br />
I wonder about<br />
the ways the crazy haze<br />
shimmers<br />
beckons<br />
<br />
For now, I will lean into this moment<br />
endless stillness possible<br />
SPACE<br />
Put in the big rocks first.<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-75528289995021580972016-12-21T00:45:00.001-05:002016-12-21T00:52:24.863-05:00Soltice, 2016<br />
Mahogany red hair<br />
blond roots<br />
rasping cough<br />
I glanced her way to see if she was okay<br />
Inclined I was to care<br />
big boots<br />
ticked off<br />
She warned me<br />
then she kicked me, hard.<br />
<br />
I had the sense that there was more going on<br />
<br />
Her eyes, her face, her voice<br />
the way she needed space and control<br />
the way she needed others' fear<br />
She sat alone in the big back seat<br />
all the way to Niagara Falls.<br />
I suppose it's what she wanted<br />
or what a life's satchel of habits<br />
make possible.<br />
<br />
My bruises remind me of the choices I make<br />
to see and feel and hope<br />
on this longest night, I yield to my gratitude.<br />
I have no regrets. Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-18528370106414579412016-12-02T01:45:00.001-05:002016-12-02T01:45:28.815-05:00Half Full <br />
This is the body I live now<br />
almost a year after<br />
Solstice and beyond<br />
I am still<br />
Here<br />
yearning and Yielding<br />
This is;<br />
what happens next?<br />
<br />
Finally, more energy<br />
Less distress<br />
better sleep...sometimes<br />
Some sensations will never go away<br />
and some will never return<br />
This is what happens....<br />
Next?<br />
<br />
Writing<br />
blood and bone<br />
Twilight<br />
moon<br />
dark<br />
and dawn<br />
Laughter, Rain<br />
work of the heart<br />
This is what happens next.<br />
<br />
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-70728825190159998192015-12-26T14:18:00.003-05:002015-12-26T14:18:53.156-05:00Solstice and beyond<br />
<br />
Two months and more<br />
well, for sure<br />
I did not feel that time move<br />
I did not feel the twilight<br />
or the dawns<br />
I moved like a dragonfly<br />
hovering, busy in many directions, adept at negotiating<br />
the all day darknesses<br />
<br />
mostly doing no harm<br />
braced <br />
praying<br />
hoping<br />
some days, swaying<br />
<br />
body sore and bone tired<br />
ready for soft rain<br />
soft snow<br />
soft fog<br />
any fog<br />
as long as it is still, the way only fog can be still<br />
<br />
I will wander into it and find a clean river and there<br />
I will sit, become nothing<br />
become part of everything<br />
become still<br />
<br />
<br />
after that<br />
some kind of return<br />
will be possible.<br />
<br />
<br />
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-41452123454815950792015-10-16T00:40:00.002-04:002015-10-16T00:40:50.424-04:00Quiet Desperation<br />
Dexterity remains under-rated<br />
taken for granted<br />
buttoning my shirt is no big deal<br />
do it with my eyes<br />
closed<br />
Once upon a time<br />
maybe so<br />
but, Now...No.<br />
<br />
key in the lock<br />
purse<br />
car <br />
door<br />
floor, floor, floor<br />
watch them soar<br />
hear me roar<br />
when I can't<br />
face the dropsies<br />
any more<br />
<br />
Some days, the post-chemo world is<br />
absurd<br />
ridiculous in its good-natured<br />
sense of humour<br />
adapting<br />
always<br />
adapting<br />
moments<br />
soaked with hope<br />
<br />
Some days, the post-chemo world is<br />
absurd<br />
ridiculous in its taunting<br />
I am this close to a laugh when I notice<br />
I am<br />
sobbing<br />
containing<br />
always<br />
containing<br />
darkness<br />
soaked with tears<br />
<br />
Yielding remains under-rated<br />
Once upon a time, maybe so<br />
But, Now...No.<br />
<br />
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-75633033216657588832015-09-12T20:37:00.002-04:002015-09-12T20:37:21.198-04:00Logic<br />
<br />
and on it goes, tales from Autism camp...<br />
<br />
Victoria is my most senior camper. She has been attending for 20 years. I first met her when she was a few months shy of her 11th birthday. She has given me smiles, tears, a concussion, her trust and her friendship.<br />
And, of course, her logic.<br />
<br />
One theorist I study, Joseph Straus, proposes an alternative 'reading' of the 'symptoms' of autism. Rather than whatever edition of the DSM manual's rehash of 'make the call' one consults, there is usually a version of obsessive fixations, purposeless repetition, and deviant sociality (oftentimes known as 'the triad of impairments') as the markers of the disorder. Straus proposes fixity of focus, local coherence and private meanings as being more resonant with the lives of Auties and Aspies who are increasingly finding their own ways to tell the rest of us about their lives and experiences. Further, these characteristics are not deficits, but rather, ways of being in the world that are idiosyncratic, meaningful, functional and helpful. Other theorists of cultural semiotics, notably Harwood Fisher, suggest that personal and embodied logics precede meaning... necessarily. I mention these two theorists' examples not to launch into a black hole of theory, but rather to contextualize a point that I want to make: that Victoria <i>LIVES </i>what many theories and theorists work hard to express.<br />
<br />
Back to Victoria's logic.<br />
We are on a mini-train at a Niagara Safari venue. The train chugs and rolls and wobbles with stops along the way of the large and sprawling park. Whenever ASD camp goes to this venue, Victoria and I take a train ride around the whole property. She is taller than I by about a foot, and outweighs me by about 90 pounds. Throughout the ride, she makes imperious proclamations. Here is an example of her logic.<br />
We stop to drop off and pick up passengers. She is ready to go. She shouts "Green light GO!" The driver obliges. On the ride to our next stop Victoria lays out her logic. Green lights go with red lights on the Christmas tree. At our next stop, we drop off passengers and pick up passengers. Victoria is ready to go. She shouts "Christmas!". Nothing happens. She looks at me, puzzled. How could the driver not have understood that connection? Green lights go with red lights on the Christmas tree. ERGO, Christmas means... GO. Duh. Eventually, the driver starts up the engine and we do, indeed, GO. I suspect, however, that this happened in spite of, rather than because of, Victoria's enthusiastic encouragement of the driver. <br />
Victoria's reasoning/connecting of ideas is known as metonymic logic. Victoria builds this in her mental landscape as a set of private and coherent structures that lead her to a conclusion which, when examined with an open mind, does indeed have a logical structure which precedes meaning (what does Christmas 'mean'? it means GO).<br />
<br />
Welcome to ASD camp. Again and anew.<br />
Never dull; remarkable in so many ways.<br />
My scholarship, my pedagogy and my open mind remain in awe (and in debt).<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-5840464337592122202015-09-03T23:30:00.001-04:002015-09-03T23:30:44.161-04:00Only Son<br />
today you were born<br />
and I was reborn.<br />
<br />
you were the astronaut<br />
navigating the next moon<br />
and the next stars<br />
<br />
and I was<br />
and have always been<br />
pulled, even as the tides are pulled,<br />
into that terrible wonderful time of wondering, wandering, hoping <br />
<br />
no regrets<br />
only son<br />
only love<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-55103614908666953232015-09-02T00:03:00.000-04:002015-09-02T23:35:25.499-04:00Wild Dogs, Hell Cats, Savage Beasts, Bloodthirsty Cannibals<br />
This is my 20th summer of my Autism Movement camp. I began with a desire to offer movement opportunities for kids and teens with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) who would typically NOT have an opportunity to attend a summer camp of any kind, much less a movement based camp. In many ways my camp back then was 'the last house on the block'.... that is, it was the last choice for the desperate parents who had been looking for programs for their kids but who were getting refusals or costs that were untenable. 20 years later, that is, my here and now, my camp still seems to be serving the same function, although I am happy to say that there ARE other organizatoins out there that are taking up the responsibility of offering camp experiences to ALL kids and teens, not only the neuro-typical and high functioning ones. I began with 23 kids; now, typically I accept between 35-65 kids per week ( it is a two week camp) depending on how many students and volunteers I can attract and train. <br />
The title of my post is the list of the names of the four groups at camp. That first summer, my campers decided that they wanted to name their groups, and so they did so with much gusto and not a little irony (for example, the group of kids who had those who tended to bite out of anxiety decided on the Bloodthirsty Cannibals. Ha ha. Funny; unless you are the one getting bitten!!). The names have stuck, and this summer's campers have embraced them in their own sweet ways. :)<br />
<br />
I have not posted since June. Amazing... July and August have flown!! I have been teaching, prepping this summer's students and volunteers, and planning the camp. Wow. I have more supports than I had 20 years ago. And I am lucky to have them around me. I thought I would give you today's highlights... then as this week unfolds, give a few other tidbits from last week as well.<br />
and, so, today's highlights....<br />
The five pound poop.... one fella came in looking distressed; allergies, odd gait, moaning a little bit. This young man does not use speech for communication, but he has other effective strategies. After some distressed wandering, he made his way to our sensory room, let out a massive grunt and produced a truly epic shit (odor and volume, if you need the criteria). He is also diapered, so my students were elbow deep in poop as they assisted him in cleaning up and getting changed.<br />
The intrepid hiding man... another fella likes to find small sheltered places to hide... usually he is not actually hiding... we know were he is. Today, he found an excellent hiding place and evaded us for about 10 minutes as we were attempting to load campers on the bus. You know that feeling when you think you have lost your child?? Yeah, that one. Awful. But, we hunted and found him huddled and snickering behind a huge pile of mats. He skipped onto the bus with three or four of us chasing behind.<br />
Another little guy will be attending on Wednesday only (a few glitches with student and volunteers saying they will attend and then not showing up.... sigh) but he called me and my colleague a total of 20 times on our cells.... to confirm his attendance on Wednesday. Likes to dot the i's and cross the t's, this one. We cannot answer, of course... or we will be getting ten times that many calls... OCD is a common co-occurrence with ASD.<br />
Then there was the spectacular nudity scramble in the family change room after swim where another young fella was not happy about something and needed to slam himself into the floor and the walls to get out his rage... and punch a few students in the process. We got his mom in there as fast as we could get her there and then things calmed down....<br />
I could go on... but as you can see, it is thrilling, demanding, absurd, heartbreaking and utterly delightful. Every emotion you can imagine.... every intense moment partnered with a supremely tender one.<br />
More to come.<br />
So much to say about the students and colleagues on this journey with me. They care in ways that go beyond words and deeds... it is the work of the heart. It is my deep privilege to work with them.<br />
<br />
Onwards....<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-82508457836302483362015-06-21T16:42:00.001-04:002015-06-21T16:42:08.861-04:00Stella<br />
She might as well be real<br />
I hold her in one hand and cradle her with the other<br />
ridiculous, really<br />
a creature who can fly needing cradling<br />
as if that would keep her safe, or grounded<br />
even more ridiculous<br />
she cannot fly<br />
and falling will not hurt her<br />
Stella, the fuzzy- headed stuffed toy Blue Jay.<br />
<br />
You gave her to me<br />
"We want you to have Stella," you said<br />
Stella, the Blue Jay Guardian of your retreat<br />
the Muse of your creative process<br />
the fluffy heart beat you carried around for three days<br />
You want me to have her.<br />
<br />
I screamed with joy. You saw me. Surrounded me.<br />
I took that heartbeat, honored.<br />
I know what she carries.<br />
This is your bravery and your hope; this is our intimacy.<br />
This is what happens next.<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-57657038186634650422015-06-08T23:46:00.001-04:002015-06-09T23:16:46.798-04:00Teaching and Learning Haiku<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Twilight pond shimmers</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A swan glides between two moons</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It is. Reflection</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-82995328333926495092015-04-14T23:33:00.001-04:002015-04-14T23:33:17.459-04:007 Years<br />
<br />
this was the day you reached out to me<br />
an act of hope<br />
opens a door<br />
we walked through<br />
<br />
this was the day I remembered all the reasons<br />
all the seasons<br />
with and without you<br />
<br />
this was the day I re-read all the letters<br />
I knew that I would give them to you<br />
and when you read them<br />
you would know my heart<br />
<br />
this was the day I knew my own heart<br />
and trusted the hope you offered<br />
the love we shared<br />
without knowing who or where we were<br />
<br />
this was the day<br />
we began<br />
again<br />
and anew<br />
<br />
this was the day I became<br />
again<br />
and anew<br />
<br />
this story we keep writing<br />
we keep<br />
writing <br />
<br />
<br />
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-65900794002197338312015-02-03T00:30:00.003-05:002015-02-07T00:11:25.419-05:00Dry Date / Snow Day<br />
February 1 is my dry date. It is the day I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and over the counter/prescription drugs and decided to do something about it besides be aware and pissed off.<br />
No regrets at all. 25 years later, I am clean and sober and I know what that means. <br />
So, since it is now after midnight, and officially February 3, that was slightly more than yesterday. My Dry Date, I mean. Nice day, slept in, did laundry, called family, had coffee with a good friend, watched the Superbowl with a great partner...... the storm began in the evening and dropped about 40 centimeters on us over night and into today. (That's about 20 odd inches, give or take.)<br />
Wind gusts and lake effect. Lovely. But.... it was a snow day!!<br />
Yes, today, February 2, was a Snow day. I have not had one of those in years. I liked it. I shoveled for about 7 hours all told, with some breaks for warming up and resting. Blew my nose about 500 times. Worked all day in a pair of shapeless sweat pants so baggy it looks like I am wearing a diaper and a sweatshirt that did not match the pants. Part way through, neighbour (subject of an earlier post on the Canadian flag.... yeah, that one!!) offers to break out the snow blower from his garage that has not been used to blow anything for two years.... and I forget all about the flag and the insults and the bullshit and say, yes, indeed. Much appreciated. He and his female partner, (also mentioned in that earlier post on the Canadian flag.... yeah, HER!!!) are chatty, friendly, happy to help. Freaking amazing. February snow, I guess. They even took the flag down .... it was ice crunchy and at risk anyway, and why desecrate a flag that way.... but, wow. <br />
The driveways and road way are clear. It looks clean and white and organized. Quiet. My shovels lean against my front porch. I bought totally unhealthy chicken fingers and potato wedges for supper and ate them with partner. Sent a birthday present to my mom. Finished up a thankless task this evening. And mostly felt some pride in the completion. My hands and forearms and shoulders and legs are sore. Time to stop using them.<br />
Snow day. Yay. This has been a damn fine 24 hours. <br />
So grateful I am in a frame of mind to appreciate it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-90807579293891864392015-01-27T01:04:00.001-05:002015-01-27T01:04:59.383-05:00here is a glimmer of hope......<br />
<br />
"when people want to to learn, they will do anything"<br />
<br />
<a href="http://mazur.harvard.edu/">eric mazur@eric_mazur</a><br />
<br />
<br />
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-18958219082054514182015-01-12T00:33:00.000-05:002015-01-12T00:33:00.458-05:00 Cautionary.....<br />
<br />
<br />
We Earth men have a talent for ruining big, beautiful things.<br />
<br />
Ray Bradbury<br />
The Martian Chronicles<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-48747057235083968052014-12-31T18:18:00.001-05:002014-12-31T18:18:23.429-05:00Resolution/s<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Do</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
less</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
better. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Big </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rocks</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
first. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-309408015500958862014-12-30T18:27:00.002-05:002014-12-30T18:27:43.024-05:00Waltz<br />
slow, quick, quick<br />
three over four<br />
long, short, short<br />
lean, twist, turn<br />
sustain the Basic<br />
step<br />
Push serves glide<br />
ride<br />
swift, silent<br />
slash<br />
looks effortless<br />
as breath <br />
light touch<br />
firm hands<br />
takes time<br />
reach<br />
& gesture<br />
unbearable tension <br />
and heart....<br />
<br />
oh,yes; especially that.<br />
<br />
<br />Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-38471163348614429412014-12-17T01:20:00.000-05:002014-12-17T01:20:13.338-05:00Sex and drugs and rock and roll<br />
Young, oblivious, bold-<br />
flashes of common sense<br />
popping up like clowns or daffodils<br />
once in a blue moon<br />
(the one that left me standing alone.....)<br />
remembering how much<br />
fun<br />
was the most important goal<br />
with sex and drugs and rock and roll<br />
<br />
not only fun, of course, or just kicks<br />
some of it felt like love<br />
and might have been<br />
some of it felt like flying<br />
to the planet of the big ideas no one has ever had before<br />
top of the pole<br />
bottom of the hole<br />
finish off whatever is in the bottom of the bowl<br />
sex and drugs and rock and roll<br />
<br />
looking back, now<br />
not complex<br />
age changes how things matter<br />
what intimacy means<br />
what words and music mean<br />
richer, deeper<br />
or more easily dispatched<br />
perspective borne of struggle and joy<br />
deceit and bullshit take their toll<br />
on<br />
sex and drugs and rock and roll<br />
<br />
still, sweeter than the softest dawn<br />
the long caress of twilight<br />
opens up<br />
stillness<br />
stretches out<br />
moments of fierce, delightful tenderness<br />
feed the soul<br />
dwelling with/in<br />
sex and drugs and rock and roll<br />
<br />
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6111037399323673543.post-74716010259459152142014-12-13T00:36:00.000-05:002014-12-13T00:36:58.727-05:00By the time you read this<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
By the time you read this</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
snow will have settled </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and drifted</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
trees will have whispered </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and leaned</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
night will have fallen</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and lifted</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sounds will have murmured </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and keened</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know how time is a candle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a pendulum, seashore, a rift</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
fire and sand</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I can handle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
by the time you read this</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it's a gift</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Harlequinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04964772119118368322noreply@blogger.com2