Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Thursday, January 7, 2010

stream of consciousness: wasteland

looking through gray haze
at black sun
shivering, wondering, slither & slide
tears & snot cheek against
pillow
beyond comfort
quaking, shaking
what was that flicker
some forgotten promise to self...or others
try to imagine how little i care
what's the point of an oxygen rich environment
150 freakin' house plants and 62 rose bushes and not a kind word or glance
tolerated
except when it meant satisfying some pounding
need
no wonder
i hate the garden that used to be
a refuge is no more than
a soft memory of what sunshine could do with this
a day at a time begins
with this empty garden
the only way out
is
next
Posted by at

5 comments:

  1. the walking manJanuary 8, 2010 at 2:43 AM

    ...the only way out
    is
    next


    found in the gate
    of
    the following heartbeat

    ReplyDelete
  2. Madame DeFargeJanuary 9, 2010 at 6:12 PM

    There feels to be some venom underneath these words. I'm intrigued by why that might be.

    ReplyDelete
  3. HarlequinJanuary 9, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    WM -- thanks for this thoughtful follow up; much appreciated
    Madame-- some venom.... I'd confirm that there's whole lot of venom underneath the words, yes indeed!
    some of this stream is based in my inner seething over how some people who are cruel can hide in plain sight( clearly I have been in such a scenario and, unfortunately, on the receiving end of said cruelty) and yet, I also hoped to convey that I have not totally abandoned the garden, that I am committed to a " next " and that I know that deep misery and unspeakable joy can both be managed a day at a time...
    thanks for the comment; insightful and sensitized, as is your habit :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2010 at 7:14 PM

    Now I have 2 more favorite lines, lines I will think of when hurt and me, invisible --

    I hate the garden that used to be

    150 freakin' houseplants and 62 rose bushes and not a kind word or glance

    ReplyDelete
  5. HarlequinJanuary 13, 2010 at 10:51 PM

    Fish Face-- thanks for the comment and the sentiment within it.... how often does that happen to so many people, being hurt and feeling invisible... and what the hell, if there is a phrase or two that assists in riding out the storm, then yay, hooray, I say.
    hope to see you again :)

    ReplyDelete

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