Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Saturday, April 11, 2009

...almost six months ago...

One night when I was intoxicated
and didn't know it
I walked through a patio door
I was in that stupid frame of mind where
problem-solving was about moving the obstacle
and not wondering about what the obstacle might be

It took weeks to get over my injuries
my broken face and dislocated shoulder
and I never got the chance to apologize to my friends
who probably aren't my friends anymore
if they ever were

My first named emotion was disappointment
exquisitely beige
after years of torment with mad and sad
I can do nuance
lovely repertoires of melt...
annoyed, irritated, frustrated
pleased, satisfied
on a mission of sanity
buffers like these staunch the bleeding
and keep the clean-up out of harm's way
without denying the gut
reality of hope

One day when I was mindful
and didn't know it
I drove along a roadway
and noticed the broken remnants of branches
scattered in the grass alongside...
skeletal remains of unyielding to a recent storm
and a willow swaying to a gentle breeze of denouement...
her embrace a heart of softness

It took days to get that moment
into these words
but love is patient
and yielding is the hardest work
of hope and craft


  1. This piece came to life almost six months ago in the context of a project that involved a group of us doing a team-based analysis...it was a powerful and courageous undertaking ...and I offer thanks and deep regard to the amazing team with whom I worked -- Jamie, Jon and Tom-- for making possible the context for this poetic recasting

  2. The linear being. The object of the first becomes the observer of the object of the second. Except for position flux; The observer and the observed it seems the cycle repeats until we understand.

  3. This is one of those pieces which require and deserve a second (or more) reading. Like this, as much for its mood as inspite of it.

    Dark pieces make me look deep within, necessary for understanding how I work in the world.

  4. WM--thanks for this reflection... yes,indeed; the process is recursive... the lessons I must learn again and again...
    Crow-- thanks for the look and the second look... I am learning about so much through the process of expressing...

  5. This is really really lovely, Im glad I stopped by.))

    happy day,


  6. Back again. Several phrases are held in thought, moved around in the mind much like tumbling hard sugar candy with the tongue...round and round and round, letting the goodness melt a little more with each turning.

    The phrase that tumbles around this morning is "...disappointment exquisitely biege."

    I am pleasantly surprised to find I am not the only one who ascribes colors to mood and experiences. My disappointments range in color from grey to muddy reds and purples; the bitterest being a vile green that radiates a vicious yellow aura.

    One of the delights in reading your posts is that I find a new nugget to roll around each time I revisit.


  7. Crow--- we shall have to do a little patter on synaesthesia... glad you returned and thanks for the kind words...