Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Sunday, March 28, 2010


such was the lie agreed upon

spouse and I were a loving couple
no one saw the cold silence

spouse was devoted
no one saw the obsessive control

spouse had a sense of humor
no one saw the contempt

this is cruelty: finding the most fragile parts of a self and shaking them
until the only shards left are smaller and even more dismissable
than tears
you couldn't have known what you were seeing
or what was happening
when you watched me almost
tumbling out of the car into a graceless, terrified sprint
past the bees swarming around the garbage bins
nowhere else to run
no way around but through
I 'd arrive sweating
& ashamed
heart pounding
eyes downcast
already detaching
from the gauntlet that awaited me
at the end of the day

when we speak of it, now
its power remains
my eyes are dry
and your eyes are open


  1. An old memory of a nasty time; shared and seen with love, the memory has lost its power to hurt. I am grateful.

  2. really well illuminated feelings. took me right to where you were.

    it seems to still possess the power to hurt, but at least its strength is weakening.

  3. I see quite a lot of hurt here doll, and it does not sit well with me. The power to hurt always seems to rest with the male of the species, and that is very wrong.

  4. one of the benefits of aging is seeing the youth of days from a different perspective.

  5. Poet-- thanks for the comments; it is weakening, as you say, but for sure it is tough to be completely free of the deep hurts, even when lots of time has passed.
    Jimmy-- it is an old memory, and life is so much sweeter now. Still, how powerful are those cruelties. Males seem no more talented at inflicting hurt than females, in my history, at least. It seems to me it's more about the disposition, and maybe the context. I appreciate your sentiments, as always; thanks.
    WM-- perspective is helpful,especially as time passes. thanks for visit.

  6. I feel your wrenching moves here as the impersonal knot of the past ("spouse and I") gives way to an emerging "we" speaking now.

    Thanks for sharing the journey with friends.

  7. aporia-- it's good to have friends and it's good to be a we. thanks for this fine comment. :))