Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

counting the days...

yesterday I cried & it was real
hiding, out of sight
at the top of a flight
of stairs, desperate to be concealed...
& to conceal

the last thing I want to confess
this heartbeat fluttering
wild schizophrenic muttering
helps me to be ignored, I guess

now there's a quaint blessing
amidst ceaseless, pounding, deceitful absurdities
that cling, slither & ooze


  1. ...ever have one of those days when double standards and deceit just make you weary?
    yeah... me, too...

  2. Darlin' I wish it were limited to only a day or three a week. Be well and understand that as much as we'd like not to, we have to live with the duplicitous, until they make peace legal anyway.

  3. "yesterday I cried & it was real"
    i ask myself why you should assure us that it was real... i read all your words without that sentence (& it was real)... and i found them more truthful... then on a second thought i see what has happened... this is what deceit is doing to us... it kills trust... we feel we are not trusted... all the time we should assure others of the truthfulness of our actions...
    i feel i'm with you there on top of those stairs... i do nothing to stop you crying... those tears are so sacred and healing... i just try my best to hunt one drop of them on the palm of my hand... then i look at it in the sunlight... and i listen to story of that drop...

    once again i understand how others help us grow even when they are not truthful to us...

    thanks Harelquin for this journey... now... can i keep this little precious gem for myself? i don't keep it in my hand... i may lose it... i keep it in my heart...

  4. WM-- I love how therapeutic writing can be ... and hearing from others in this amazing messy world; thanks.
    HB--it is sooo nice to see you here. I am gratified that this little piece was able to work spatially, and I hope the gem is enduring...thanks for your words and sentiments.

  5. Beautiful flow through, you and the read so silky smooth. Lovely, you.

  6. I really relate to this post Harlequin, feeling like all the deceit and horror and hate are all too much. You've captured this wild moment with vivid candour.....thanks :)

  7. SarahA--thanks for these words... it is quite something, this well of dark sadness...it has never played me false.
    Derliwall... yep-- sometimes, all that there is to feel I do feel... and sometimes all it takes is a little bit of mundane cruelty. I am grateful that I feel it and grateful that I can express it with some integrity. I know this is your journey as well.

  8. Excellent.

    This is an ironic quotation, hope you dont mind: "When you are going to hell just keep going"

    It was quite difficult to understand for me, had to use the dictionary with several words, Which I am glad I have learn.

  9. Mariana-- I love irony...keep it coming! so glad to see you here...welcome.