Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Saturday, January 31, 2009

the only risk

For years I'd wake up gasping, soaked,
ragged, sobbing
full body
pitching forward, upward into nothingness
empty dark
I'd hear bats or birds
or something with wings
flapping madly
wild and scared
horrified , mortified
it's my heart....pounding
I'm going to die from fear
I'd grab at anything
any anchor, any tether

Hope you never have to find a way
to find your way back to
soft dark (ness)
or maybe you've already done it....

I don't assume
an absence of pain
just because I can't see it
competing for a spotlight
I know it co-exists
with joy
( and ) sometimes I forget ( that)
in spite of my
best efforts,
I didn't drown the beast
& the only risk
that awaits me


  1. I'm reminded of the novel The Diviners, when I read the last line. It's strange how much "easier" pain is. Kindness can be so messy. I never know how to react.


  2. Mimi--- it is quite amazing that The Diviners came to mind for you.... it has always been an inspiring book for me,as well. I actually mention it in my profile.
    I remember a day at work a few months ago..... it was just awful and I had had a rough couple of days previous and someone said to me, just after I got back into the task at hand... "are you going to be alright?" and I said " I'll be fine as long as no one is kind to me."
    It is funny how many people have no idea what that means,,,, and how many who do...
    thanks for the comment; it makes sense to me.