Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Monday, June 21, 2010

Exsanguinate

It had to be the April of the year I turned eight. I returned to school with a different body after six months off recovering from injuries sustained in a car accident.

It's a Catholic school of the early 1960's. Prayer, music, choir, diction, posture and Latin in addition to the school subjects regular humans learn. The desk is rough under my legs and textured with scratches, grooves, ridges, ink, wood polish... the very odour of comportment.

Sustained silent reading is one of our privileges for 30 minutes every afternoon. I don't remember the book; I don't remember the time; I don't remember the day. I remember the uncurtained windows, the streaming sun, the shuffle sounds of 30 girls in serge uniforms... and I remember the word: exsanguinate.

The sentence stopped there and went no further; a road falling into a ditch; a rock falling into a well. I am undaunted and I feel that feeling without knowing what it is I am feeling. I am sweating... just a little... and then there is my pounding heart, and a breathlessness I have come to know as the overture to deep engagement--crossing over. I see the pieces moving in slow motion, a rearranging, nuanced and subtle... I feel the click of comprehension... ex: out of; sanguine: blood... of course!! Exsanguinate means: bleed to death ! I catch myself grasping not only meaning, but also how I got there. There is nothing beyond me now... I can move inside a word.
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5 comments:

  1. HarlequinJune 21, 2010 at 11:25 PM

    this is a description of the first time I felt myself learn.
    other things are going on right now that brought this back to me, or me back to it. Grateful for the memory and the opportunity to reflect.
    Happy Solstice, friends and visitors.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mr. CharlestonJune 22, 2010 at 6:39 AM

    A perfect, one-word description of Mother Earth.

    ReplyDelete
  3. HarlequinJune 23, 2010 at 12:08 AM

    Mr.C.- thanks for the visit and this thoughtful comment. I take seriously your Mother Earth reference and hope that her resilience is her saving grace since some of her inhabitants seem hell bent on breaking her.

    Punch - thanks for this sentiment and for the visit.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Madame DeFargeJune 24, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    It is a wonderful moment when you realise that you are intelligent and can learn and use new stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  5. HarlequinJune 25, 2010 at 12:33 AM

    Madame-- it is ! I remember that moment...wow, was it powerful. thanks for the visit and this lovely comment.

    ReplyDelete

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