Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Friday, September 25, 2009

Mind Control

Victoria is my oldest camper. It's difficult, really, to use the category "camper" to describe Victoria... she is more akin to a phenomenon. 6ft. tall, about 220 lbs., flaming red wild curly hair, a kind of drag queen Ronald McDonald on steroids... imperious, playful, brilliant, profane, devious...oh, and strong.... quite physically strong. Victoria was 25 this past summer and has been attending my camp since she was 12. I've watched her grow up; I've attended her birthday parties, taught her how to dance and helped her resolve a profound toe-walking habit in her early adolescence. She's given me two concussions, hundreds of hugs and kisses, thousands of insights and loads of laughs... she has also terrorized countless young males with her outrageous flirtations and her remarkably well directed lack of impulse control.
Here is a conversation from a few summers ago.
We are leaning against a fence that surrounds the outdoor pool where we went for our afternoon swims. Victoria is forgoing swimming this particular day for the reason that many teenage girls give to avoid swimming. Victoria was immensely pleased to announce to all in hearing distance the reason she was sitting it out. It is a beautiful sunny day. She and I are sharing a moment.

Who loves, ya, baby, I say to her.
You do, she says, and we gently touch fist knuckles together, my ongoing concession to her tactile defensiveness.
What are you up to today since you're not swimming, I ask her.
I'm practicing mind control, she informs me.
is that so... I say with just the appropriate amount of disbelief to egg her on...
ohhhh, yeahhh, watch this...
I follow her casually flipped hand in the direction of the diving board; a young guy is bounding into a take off.
I'm going to make him jump in, she says.
We both watch as he leaves the board and splashes us with a huge cannonball after-effect.
We gaze at each other over the edges of our sunglasses.
Impressive, I say.
She gives a small grunt of satisfaction and turns slightly away from our shared gaze, I could do this all afternoon, she says as she smiles shamelessly.
She also apologizes for the splash: she can only control the minds of the people... she takes no credit for the water.
No doubt, I think...
and I wonder, not for the first time, if she plays with me as much as I play with her.
I suspect so. And, I suspect, I have a lot to learn in this regard. I hope she sticks around for another 10 years.


  1. I would like to have that level of mind control...focus her on the worlds actions.

  2. you are a special person. blessed might even be the word.

  3. "if she plays with me as much as I play with her."

    i have always thought that a lot of eccentric or "crazy" people - people "in their own world" are trying to be humorous - whether they happily think the humor is being appreciated, or are in despair that it is not, or something in between ...

  4. Donovan doesn't know his own strength and has to be reminded sometimes that he is squeezing too hard when he hugs.

    He also plays these complex word games with us that I sometimes can't follow through to the end, but am fascinated by what I can catch onto. Autistic brains, especially Asperger ones (the only one I know), are wonderlands, but I've seen with my grandson that they can also be a burden to those who have them.

    Bless you, Harlequin, for the work that you do.


  5. thanks for these thoughtful comments; I have lived in this world for a long time and feel a sense of kinship with a lot of the people with whom I work. Perhaps I am on the spectrum myself... perhaps we all are ( some theories seem to suggest this)... whatever, some good stuff is happening and we are all learning about each other.
    I'm glad these little vignettes are working in the service of expressing and connecting. I have a few more ... will roll them out as the week(s) unfold.

  6. Well described, HQ. I'd guess that Victoria brings her own wild presence to the party wherever she goes, and that few recognize her playfulness and special brilliance in the way that you do.

  7. Beautiful story, it is so tender, I like how you relate to and care for this kids, it is really moving for me.

    Cheers for the nice people like you who still exists.

  8. Great read...loved her, loved you, love this type of conversation where it is undirected...lazy in it's ability to just become whatever needs saying. Bliss.

  9. Anon Andon and Mariana thanks for your appreciation of Victoria's special talents and personality... she can be a total pain in the you know where sometimes( as can we all) but she is quite the character!
    Wine and Words-- thanks for stopping and or your comments.... welcome back any time!

  10. You do describe this so well and with such a lack of judgment. Sorry to be tardy in commenting. A dreadful imposition of real life.

  11. Madame---no worries.... I am delighted that you like to visit and comment; and I totally get the life stuff!