Dying/broken/forgiven.... now I begin

Born: 17-06-56....gemini.... monkey
re-born: 3-09-80
born again\found: 14-04-08
other notable dates: 10-03-68; 03-09-87; 23-03-96;
1-05-98; 31-01-02; 5-04-04

Interests: movement, stressed/transgressive embodiment, lived experience (body\space\time\relation)
expression ( word, dance, text, image, story, music, poetics)
learning, yielding......

Hopes for the blog:
offer up the wild intersectedness of lived experience and engage others in creative, expressive, perhaps irreverant, hopefully playful, and respectful encounters....
enact kindness
create moments of pause for disclosure, discovery, stillness

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tell me a story about a time when you felt yourself learning.....

yes...... tell me a story about a time when you felt yourself learning.... or the first time you felt yourself learning...that's often a lovely-- or at least a memorable-- remembering...

.....it had to be the April of the year I turned eight. I returned to school with a different body after six months off recovering from injuries sustained in a car accident.

It's a Catholic school of the early 1960's. Prayer, music, choir, diction, posture and Latin in addition to the other school subjects regular humans learn. The desk is rough under my legs, textured with scratches, grooves, ridges, ink, wood polish.... the very odour of comportment.

Sustained silent reading is one of our privileges for 30 minutes every afternoon. I don't remember the book; I don't remember the time; I don't remember the day. I remember the bare windows, the streaming sun, the shuffle sounds of 30 girls in serge uniforms... and I remember the word: exsanguinate.
The sentence stopped there and went no further... a road falling into a ditch; a stone falling into a well. I am undaunted and I feel that feeling without without knowing what it is I feel. I am sweating just a little...and then there is my heart, racing and pounding, a breathlessness I have come to know as the overture to deep engagement... crossing over. I see the pieces moving in slow motion, a rearranging, nuanced and subtle; I feel the click of comprehension.... ex: out of; sanguine: blood. Of course! Exsanguinate means bleed to death!! I catch myself grasping not only meaning, but also how I got Here.
My joy is boundless..... as is my excitement. Nothing is beyond me now.... I can move inside a word.


  1. Wonderful post!! Loved reading it

  2. Linda-- thanks for the visit--- and I am going back for another look at the dancing bird... your blog is a fun place!!
    Glad you liked this post--

  3. I felt myself learning today while leading my philosophy seminars. While answering their questions on Heidegger, I felt myself actively learning by tying things I had worked out for myself into new ways that I felt would open up for my students their own opportunities to engage the material. If I accomplished that or not, I still feel like I have a stronger grasp on Heidegger's thought than I did going in this morning. It's really nice finally feeling like a seminar went well, for both parties.

  4. Derliwall... this was such a nice post... I teach/I learn... that is often the way it goes ...and if your learners learned, all the better....
    feeling oneself learn is so enigmatic: elusive yet absolutely present. I am glad you shared this..
    and thanks for the visit.
    I have been out of blogger range since March 1 and am just now back on Canadian soil.... so it was nice to see you here...

  5. Welcome home. We have lots to talk about. I was thinking about my Major Paper today, and I had an idea that I could use Merleau-Ponty's description of the body-subject as my first line of defense against Irigaray's claims that he engages in a flat out reduction/assimilation of the tangible/invisible in his ontology of flesh. I've come to see how he does privilege vision in a certain way, but that is not enough, in my mind, to discount his philosophy whole sale....there is so much more going on and so much can be gained...I feel like he provides tools for dismantling some of the structures that feminists are fighting against.

    Anyway, I'll tell you more about what I've been thinking when you're settled into your routine again. I need to have a draft of my Major Research Paper by April 14th. You can imagine how my stress levels are skyrocketing!

  6. i have always loved these 'inside-movings'...

  7. Derli... now that we have actually spoken, I appreciate your comments even more... nice thinking and fairly decent stress management...
    HB...spoken like the inside mover you seem to be....
    nice to see these thoughtful comments...